Monday Morning Musings 1.18.16

I had a job.  The pay was good.  The hours were perfect.  I had vacations, a guaranteed paycheck, weekends and every possible holiday off.  I was working mom hours.  

I quit.  Because I wasn't happy.  I wanted to be my own boss.  I imagined myself sitting in my study, cup o coffee to my left, laptop in front of me, writing on an almost daily basis.  When I wasn't writing, I would be teaching yoga.  And, when I wasn't teaching yoga, I would be creating artsy stuff to sell on my online store.   

Did I mention I was also going to do more around the house and have everything neat and tidied up with my new 'job' (but how could I refer to what I was about to do as an actual job?) by the time Boo & Bubbah got off the bus so I could be 110% present for them?  Yeah, that too.  

I was also very aware - I mean, extremely hyper psychotically aware, that I wasn't going to be making what I was making working for someone else.  Maybe eventually, but not at first.  I also knew I was going to have to be accountable for myself and working my butt off to do said above listed new job(s).

I have since agonized over, thought about, stressed about, beaten a dead horse about, thought more about, talked about, emailed about, networked about, did I mention thought about how in the world I was going to make this financially possible.  That the only way me taking this gigantic leap of faith will be ok in everyone's eyes for going after my dream is to keep saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way until I am making what I was making before.  In an entirely different job field.  Sounds kinda *@#$ing insane, wouldn't you say?

Do you wanna know what that has done?  

Taken all of the fun out of what I left my old job to do.  In the midst of the 'what have I done' of it all, I've managed to become too stressed over the financial aspect be grateful for what I have had during all of this. 

Here are just a few of the things I'm so grateful for:
~ An amazingly and wonderfully supportive husband that has stood by my side and encouraged me along the way, always in my corner and my biggest fan as I figure everything out.  (Annnnnnnnnnd also one that has listened again and again and again to my constantly talking about all of this.)  
~ A wonderful set of parents that have gone from supporting my decisions to sending me emails that pertain to what I'm doing, to complimenting me on what I write (do you guys know I save those email responses?), to having great advice and an always open ear when I doubt myself.  
~ Two fantastically enthusiastic and wonderful kids that will always always always ask about my classes every.day, even if they don't want me to leave them at night to go teach.  
~ Phenomenal friends that have drifted in and out of my life in closeness, but are always there if I need them... sending me encouraging texts or just checking in phone calls, promoting me, supporting me, and encouraging me through it all.  
~ Wonderful readers that email me to tell me what I wrote really spoke to them, or just a 'thanks for sharing your world with us' message.  
...and of course my own hours with weekends off, and the best boss in the world!  (Well, ok, I lie... Terry H was my favorite boss, but I run a very close second.)  :)

I could go on but you get the picture.  

It almost seems foolish that in my haste to (always!) compare myself to either what I don't have yet or once had in my past, I forgot to stop and count my blessings for what I do have and to be happy that I followed a dream. I can't look back and say it was a failure, because this dream is true right here, right now.  Whether I find myself still my own boss six years or six months from now remains to be seen, but when I look back at my life, I will be able to say that, at one point, yes, I was my own boss.  That little nugget of information right there is enough motivation to work harder when I feel like quitting, to keep getting up when I feel knocked down, and to keep showing up in all areas of life.  

Which leads me to my quote of the week: 

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." — Epicurus

Have a great Monday, whether you're midway through the work day, or reading this from home. 

Love, happiness & coffee,

~ Heather ~

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